Ashley is a little mother when it comes to taking care of Andrew. She will run around the house when he starts to cry saying, "Coming Sweetheart!!!" or "Coming Pumpkin!" She uses all the cute little saying I will say as I go to take care of him.
Here are some of the latest pictures of them spending time together. I hope she remembers how much she cared for him, when they are fighting.
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Maybe Ashley will remember, but maybe it won't matter. Maybe Ashley will defend, assist, encourage, support and try her up most to be there for Andrew, no matter what he does or what mistakes he makes. Maybe she just loves him and wants what is best for her little brother, a person so emotionally close that she will tell stories about when he burped up all over her clothes and so physically close that their DNA literally shares the same components. But maybe one day, Ashley will turn around and none of that will matter any more.
Perhaps it will happen slowly, with Andrew taking his first steps toward independence, steps she knows in her heart he needs to take but steps that take them further and further apart. At first, she will try to ignore the distance. After all, people grow and change and it's ok. But then the distance will continue to grow and grow and grow. And she won't be able to stay silent because to stay silent when a friend and family members wanders off the path would be the same as not shouting for help when that person walks into a burning building. And Ashley will love him too much to not shout for help at the top of her lungs, even if all the noise and racket pisses Andrew off. After all, to not shout is to not love him, and Ashley will love him, despite the pain he inflicts.
But the distance might keep growing and growing. And maybe Andrew will get married and have kids and Ashley, remembering how great it was to grow up with Andrew, she will be so excited because her family is growing as well. But maybe Andrew will say no, your family isn't growing. My family is growing. And Ashley will be confused because she just doesn't understand. Aren't they the same family?
But Ashley will keep trying, despite the fact that Andrew now shuts her out, makes it clear she is not a welcome member of the family. And it's not that Andrew doesn't let other people into his family. Some people are welcome to come coo over the babies, take part in birthdays and simply be a part of his life. But not Ashley. Maybe Andrew will tell her that her love is not enough for his kids, that Ashley has nothing to offer or love to give, that Ashley won't keep the kids safe enough. Maybe Andrew hurts other people, but can’t seem to bother to care, maybe then he will look down on Ashley because she choose a different path in life, maybe then he will dislike and disdain Ashley for the very characteristics that he used to adore so much. Maybe he will not be able to let go of enough control over his kids to let Ashley in. Maybe his kids are the ones that suffer because of this as the ripples of pain tear through generations
Or maybe Andrew won't say any of that. Maybe he will just make excuses to not be around Ashley. Maybe he will blame it on Ashley's schedule. Maybe he will just forget to call and invite her to the family events that make a person part of a family. Or maybe Andrew will take an even more passive approach and just stop putting any effort whatsoever into the relationship until, like a Texas lawn in the middle of August, it slowly and quietly withers away until the only thing remaining are Ashley’s memories of looking at him over the crib.
Or maybe Andrew will allow Ashley to peek into his family — not hers — through the window like a cold orphan outside a restaurant. He will send her pictures and letters, but no real contact. It's not like she is his sister, after all.
At first, Ashley will probably not put up with this. She will fight and struggle and struggle and fight to stay involved, to stay close, to stay siblings. But Andrew might not listen, might not care. After all, he is busy with his own family and that family doesn't include Ashley. So, maybe she will stop fighting so hard. Maybe she will try to compromise and just be there for Andrew's kids. She will yell that it takes a village to raise a child, that family sticks together, that she has value and something to offer those kids. But Andrew might not hear. He is busy. There is baseball and soccer and meetings and a kitchen to clean. Maybe he will visit with her later. Maybe.
Then, Ashley might start getting tired. After all, Andrew keeps inflicting wounds; tiny at first but they grow until it hurts to even be around Andrew. And maybe Ashley will finally come to realize that Andrew meant it so long ago when he told Ashley she was not welcome, she was not family. And maybe she will stop trying because there is only so much suffering a person can take before they have to put up their arms in front of their face and protect themselves. Maybe Andrew will finally invite her to go shopping or celebrate Christmas. But by then, Ashley won't remember lying in a crib with Andrew, won't remember running down that halls at his first whimper, won't remember what it feels like to be a sister anymore. And who wants to celebrate the holidays with strangers when you could be with family.
Maybe it will happen that way. But, for your kids’ sakes, I hope not.
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